seeing in the dark

a woman i know, who spent years living among the people of Papua New Guinea, told us about how the people there can see equally well in the dead of night as on the clearest day. obviously, she herself couldn't do this, to the great surprise of the locals. the chief of the tribe took her out into the jungle in the middle of the night to investigate what he perceived to be her peculiar visual handicap. as she stumbled around in the dark, he guided her: here is a tree, there is a root,... he was truly puzzled by her blindness. 'what are you looking at then?' he asked her. 'i am looking for the light', she answered. 'but why would you do that???' he wondered 'when you are in the dark, you have to look at that which is darker than the dark. then you can see...'. and she did. just like that.

there is a deep lesson in this. when spending time in the dark night of the soul, i am always straining my psychic eyes, trying to find the light points. what if instead of doing that, i looked at that which is darker than the dark? what would i see then?

discovery

we went to a goddess dance this weekend, my women and i, and there was a man there who offered Tulayoga sessions. it was an astounding experience: complete surrender, floating outside time and space. if you ever get the chance, don't miss it...

insomnia

(an old classic from isabelle's pippi longstocking phase, when she insisted on sleeping with her feet on the pillow and her shoes on)

for the past week, i have been falling asleep at 10 pm, waking up at 1 am, and staying awake until 6 am. i am a very tired little person. on the verge of collapse. any tips on battling insomnia? (first tip: don't refer to it as a battle... any tips on befriending insomnia, prior to sending it gently on its merry way?)

on being scared and doing it anyway...

re-visiting

my camera cannot focus both on that which is close and that which is far. not simultaneously, that is. and actually, neither can i. so that there comes a time for choosing. if only for now. what to focus on. and of course it did not escape my notice that the scratchings of the planes in the sky look remarkably similar to the intertwinings of the blades of grass, hinting that the insights will be the same no matter what i choose to focus on.

still, i chose the sky. i will focus on the sky for now. look at the grass later.

(and in case you were wondering, the amsterdamse bos is as lovely in autumn as it was in summer...)

wasps

Вооруженный зреньем узких ос,
Сосущих ось земную, ось земную,
Я чую все, с чем свидеться пришлось,
И вспоминаю наизусть и всуе...

И не рисую я, и не пою,
И не вожу смычком черноголосым:
Я только в жизнь впиваюсь и люблю
Завидовать могучим, хитрым осам.

О, если б и меня когда-нибудь могло
Заставить, сон и смерть минуя,
Стрекало воздуха и летнее тепло
Услышать ось земную, ось земную...

Осип Эмильевич Мандельштам

(see here for a translation)

oracle

i found the idea here. the 5th sentence of your blog's 23rd post is supposed to be your life's motto. guess what mine is?

"see for yourself"

a song for myself