shy

i have been shy of writing on my own blog: how crazy is that? granted, it was january, never the best time of year (too little light, too much wind, too much rain, too much flu, too much time before spring), and i had just happened to take this massive paradigm-shift decision, unschooling, the ripples of which will continue to follow us through many years to come... but still, what's there to be shy about?

too shy to write about the doubts, the fears, the panick attacks. too nervous to write answers to the questions those of you who know me 'live' have been asking (mostly 'WHY???????'), the concerns you have been expressing (mostly 'WHY????????). that bit of shy is understandable: taking such a funny, out-of-the-way turn, everything shaky and open, unsettled, that makes it hard to share the underside, the underbelly. it feels too vulnerable, too new. you might snatch it away from me.

but too shy to write about the victories, the YESSSS moments, the hours of complete and unshaking confidence in the truth and rightness of this particular path for us right now. too shy to share the amazing freedom sensation, the reclaiming of our own territory, of our own lives, snatched at the last moment from the jaws of the inexorable machine. free now, to explore, and have fun, and enjoy and learn, learn, learn, until we collapse in a pile, sated. the exhilaration, the happiness. the power of it all. too shy to write about that????

yes. too shy.