pffff....

... so much stuff on my plate. antoine is nursing fifteen times a day. still having burn-out, no idea whether will ever be able to go back to work. the mirror in my bedroom is really dirty. no idea whether what used to be my work is going to be my work. thinking of quitting altogether. figured homeschooling two children and running a household is work too. lots of it. marc won't play the hubby-makes-the-cash game with me though. therefore stressed out about losing both incomes within a few months of each other. and ending up on the street. in a cardboard box. there is a stain on my camera that shows up in every photograph and just will not go away. the volkstuin and garden house needs so much work, the garden is a lumpy swamp covered in reeds and potholes, and there is no water and no heating in the house, i have no idea where to start. waking up at five in the morning with panick attacks about what kind of strawberry to plant. have so far spent half of rare and delicious child-free day wondering whether i should go for a walk, bake a cake, read an inspiring book, plant some seeds, or dive under the covers with lots of chocolate and forget that there is a world out there....

or... i could do housework... or not...

did i mention this was a 'pfffff....' kind of day? (i can feel the chocolate nap option is winning).