where should i start?

(strawberries, grapes in becoming and mysterious pumpkin/courgette plant imported from P's veggie garden: all on our balcony)

whenever i ask this question (often, often, often), the universe consistently replies: right where you are. but this one is really hard for me to crack. simple as it sounds in theory, living it is bloody impossible. for a multitude of reasons, my mind would rather i began 'over there'. and then moved on. oh how vague this all sounds. rewind.

two years ago, we bought an allotment with a little house (remember?) in leiden, 45 min. by car from here. the idea was to turn it into a dream garden for us to spend all our summers in. this was two years ago, and i have been there four times, a grand total of six hours or so spent on our plot. the said plot is still a swamp, much worse in fact than when we bought it, and in the two years we have owned the house, we haven't managed to get our act together to connect the water, so that the floor still hasn't been washed. in the meantime, my once blooming, flowering, fruiting balcony at home has been dead for two years, since clearly there is no point in planting things on a balcony when one is the owner of a huge GARDEN, and few weeks have gone by without me becoming very agitated about the whole GARDEN issue.

so that's the bit about trying to start 'over there'. i have this image in my mind, frolicking babes, jolly dogs, sunshine, huge veggie garden (which in fantasy land is not being trod upon by either dogs or babes), me reclining in the shade of a blossoming apple tree, in my hammock, reading a book and sipping lemonade (and not being disturbed in these activities by babes, dogs or the necessity to actually care for the huge veggie garden). you know, soulemama meets nikki mcclure kind of stuff. but then on a fluffy cloud. and in my haste to make this vision my own, i tend to forget a few steps. the first few steps.

(marc is planning to go on an old-fashioned quest next spring, walking to compostella or some such place. at first he was planning to start somewhere in france, but then he decided it was more real to start from our door. i love how, under the surface, his life and mine always intertwine. 'you know what it is, though,' he said to me, 'the first thousand km will be so boring...'.

yes, but without them, you won't get wherever you're going, honey. and neither will i.)

hhmm.

so, for the umpteenth time, back to the drawing board, also known as square one. we are selling the doomed garden. and my balcony is coming alive. next year, perhaps, a small veggie garden in town, P-style. you know, the next step.