Thursday, April 16, 2009

fmp

a long time ago, i was complaining to Sam about some wonderful blog by some wonderful wonder woman who seemed to be able to do it all (wonderful children, wonderful creativity, wonderful work, etc.) as well as publish gorgeous photographs and amazing inspiring texts daily. you know the type...

'how come she can pull this off????' i bemoaned '... and how come i can't?????'
'she can't either', said Sam, 'it just looks that way, on her blog. Look, sweetie, if i didn't know you and i was reading your blog, i'd think you were friggin' mary poppins!' (she's american, Sam is, one has to make allowances...)

ah.

i have taken these words to heart in the course of the many (many) (many) (many) 'friggin' mary poppins' (fmp for short) browsing moments that followed, trying (with various degrees of success) to remind myself that what people show on their blog is only what they choose to show. of course, i never bought the bit about my own blog being picture-perfect. clearly, the mess in my life was of the kind that no amount of selective editing could ever eradicate or even attempt to hide, it would come oozing out of the frame, leaking at the seams and unravelling in the middle. but then today, i was browsing, and in what felt like a sudden attack of schizophrenia, i actually had an fmp moment while looking at my own blog. seriously, the whole spring-green-grass-joy-frolicking-about-children... oh p-l-e-a-s-e! enough already...

this morning, at 9:45, i attempted to throw our vacuum cleaner from the second floor of our house, down the stairs, onto the head of my husband (which was at the time on the first floor) (together with the rest of my husband). i failed, luckily (we can't really afford a new vacuum cleaner), due to the wash hanging on the railing (said wash has been washed three times already and is coming out smelling more musky every time; something wrong with the washing machine) (we can't afford a new washing machine). since i couldn't break his head with plastic, i decided to go for decibels and fists instead, and with all our windows/doors open, the entire street could enjoy my remarkably wide range of swearing (in no less than three languages).

by this time, both children were crying and i decided to leave home. permanently. but first had to take Isabelle to her accordion lesson, where i sat reading the next chapter from The Myth of Freedom by Chogyan Trungpa (you will appreciate the subtle irony of reading about the importance of staying with one's emotions, and 'the mind as a lake with no ripples' on a morning like this). on the way back from the lesson, and having stopped to spend almost 100 euros that we really did not have on an adorable little desk for Isabelle that we really did not need (i figured, since we didn't have to buy a new vacuum cleaner after all...), i ran into our three-doors-down neighbour, who informed me that it was 'not done' to scream down the entire street, and expressed, in passing, her concern for our children's mental health and general welfare (i tried, to no avail, to subtly draw her attention to the book under my arm, in the hope of making it clear that i was working on it).

came home to find little son cuddled up in big husband's arms with his little hand covered in band-aids and blood. apparently he managed to break a glass and cut himself open with the shards before husband could stop him. cancelled planned play-date. put son to bed. read another chapter. meditated. went to collect little desk. ran into neighbour again. got disapproving look. had evil thoughts involving flying vacuum cleaner and neighbour's head. tried to 'stay with the emotion'. came home with desk. apologized to husband. slept most of the rest of the day.

so, just to make sure we're all clear on this, i ain't no friggin mary poppins!

11 comments:

Pauline said...

ach lieverd...

Pauline said...

And by the way, did he really write about that blasted ripple-less lake? Because I only got the quote about meditation not being a vacation from irritation...very helpful as I only experience said rippleless lake just before falling asleep on the zafu!

Anonymous said...

oh my dear friend - what a day you have had. I love you. Your beauty is real: passionate, noisy, deep, heartful, honest and breathtakingly open. You will have to point out your neighbor to me next time we are out for a walk. I want to have a little chat with her about how astoundingly overrated fmp is.
xxx, sam

Véronique said...

hello darlings,
thanks for showing up when needed, as always :).

Pauline, no he didn't, of course he didn't, being a real guru and all that, in fact he wrote 'chaos should be considered extremely good news', but i repressed that immediately.
(and you have a zafu????? well that explains everything...)

Sammy, thank you so much for the lovely (entirely undeserved but delicious) words (i will store them under my bed, together with the secret chocolate stash, to take out and savour when needed). the neighbour's name is Truus. just so you know...

manda2501 said...

I threw my phone at Jim and he threw a (large) chair down a flight of stairs in an arguement the other day. It ended with Bella crying her heart out begging us not to do it again and both of us admitting that we were arseholes.
I'm no fmp either.Life here is often very loud indeed and the neighbours know more than they should ever know.
Oh, and I love your blog.It's beautiful and so are you.
manda
xxx

Josh said...

what a day! you never struck me as the mary poppins type, but i never liked her anyway...
i have been explaining to my daughter that's it not her fault that mommy is screaming about every little nothing lately. and saying sorry a lot...
good luck today.

Anonymous said...

Hey Veronique, it was funny to read your blog. Not that I had to laugh, but it was more the recognition combined with the absurdity. I love the love between you and Mark. And I love your passion. As Eckhardt Tolle teaches, it is not important what you do, because that's just your ego, just the things you learned to do when your emotions came flying. What is important is that you recognise that you do it. And recognition is Awareness. And Awareness is growth. And I see you grow wonderfully. (And I haven't thrown a vacuum cleaner, but have been in emotional states where it actually would've seen like an option...).

Love, Graham

Alleen maar leven said...

Hoi Veronique,

Schrijf even ´gewoon´ in het Nederlands hoor, ik kan het Engels prima lezen, maar zelf schrijven een stuk minder makkelijk. Waar ik aan moest denken toen ik je blogbericht las was dat ik het hoge ´Mary Poppins-gehalte´ in iemands blog altijd zo fijn vind omdat dat mij inspireert tot dingen die ik ook wil. En ik zie echt wel dat het bij zo iemand niet alleen maar rozengeur en manenschijn is. Maar daarom vind ik jouw blog ook zo leuk :-)).

Lieve groeten,
Jeanette

Véronique said...

hey guys, thanks a lot for all your kind words. i know why i emphasize the beauty in my blog, it's because that helps me to find it in the mess of days, but sometimes, like yesterday, the gap between the blog and the reality is just too shocking to go uncommented. of course, today i got my period. and a big 'aha!' moment :)

Alleen maar leven said...

Oja, dat heb ik ook regelmatig. Net alsof je nog nóóóit ongesteld bent geweest, ha ha.

Gr. Jeanette

Mirjam said...

;o)

(((((hug)))))