Thursday, February 16, 2012

in-line skating (I)

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Toini is learning in-line skating (i found a pair of never-yet-used ones at the kringloop for a few cents. god bless the kringloop). out of a two-hour session in the park, he spends approximately five minutes on the skates, and the remaining 1 hour and 55 minutes either falling down or getting up. or sitting on the floor wailing. he cannot do it, he says. he will never learn it, he says. everyone else knows how to do this, he says, except him. it hurts, he says. he hates it, he says. he wants to go home, he says. now, he says. he shouts, he cries, he swears. then he gets up and tries again.

looking at him, i don´t think ´he will never learn this´. i don´t think ´he is wasting his time´. i help him up, hold him when he´s down, and simply witness his incredible learning drive. and i know he will soon, very soon, not even believe us when we tell him that there was a time, not so long ago, when he thought this was soooo hard.

...

what a mirror my children provide. in these last few weeks, or days (last days! last days!) before the birth of my third baby, i too, am trying to learn a life skill that i find very very hard to master. one that i really want to master, because i can no longer live without. and it´s true that out of any two hours of learning, i probably spend five minutes on my psychic in-line skates, and 1 hour and 55 minutes falling down, wailing, and getting up again. and yes, i hate it. and yes, it hurts, and no, i will never be able to do it, and yes this makes me indignant, and angry and frustrated, and sad. and yes, i curse and i scream and i cry. and shake my fists at the universe.

but then i do get up. and i try again. and the minutes on the skates are bliss. and maybe, just maybe, it will be 6 minutes soon, rather than 5. maybe it was six minutes today. and who ever said that this is not learning?????

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